So I have been thinking a lot about what I have wanted and where I want to be and so on and so forth. Here's what I have been learning, and I will tie it into how it pertains to my pregnancy right now. So, you know how in the bible it teaches not to judge others and to be loving and accepting? Simple, most basic Christian moral values right? We learn about it almost everytime we go to church. Bible also tells us that God answers our prayers and knows our deepest desires. I think this is so true! For so long, I have wanted to be married and have a happy family, but I didnt think it would happen out of order. My plan was to go to school, get a good job, meet someone, fall in love, get married, work for a while, then have kids. Sounds like a great plan huh? Well to be honest, My lifestyle wasnt quite matching up to the perfectly paved road I sought out. So this is what happened: I got pregnant by an ex boyfriend who I was barely dating, at the most aweful time! I had just finished my BA and was on to getting my Masters. That was NOT my plan!!!! Im sure if you read my early posts you can tell the distress I was in when I first found out I was pregnant. When I took my first test I literally prayed that I would get a "just kidding" note from the doctor. So my second thought after the initial shock was "now I am obligated to stay with Taylor." Not that hes a bad guy because he totally isnt, but we did have a past that wasnt successful and I was unsure of how commited he was, much less, how committed I was. I had spent the past two years being single and was in the mind set that I was going to be single until I was 25! Ok, enough rambling... I have learned most that prayers are answered in the most odd ways. I had prayed or was praying to God that I would be able to change my lifestyle. How did He do this? By allowing me to get pregnant. This is where judgement ties in. You see, things happen to people as a lesson and often as an answered prayer. It might not always look like we expect it to, but if we seek to align our lives with Gods will, then he will do just that. No matter how bizzare it might look. So, people can see me and think "oh, shes not even married, living with her bf and is pregnant... poo on her" But I see it as a huge blessing, not only for me but for Taylor. This experience has helped us grow up, grow closer, and find a love that is bigger than just us. We have appreciation for each other, and one of the most beautiful love stories I have ever heard of.
I thought God was punishing me, but it turns out that I am being blessed beyond belief. He has chosen me to carry a new creation of life and to take care of this child. I am so lucky and happier than I have ever been. Taylor and I have a love for each other that I dont think either one of us has ever experienced. I feel like I am getting everything I have ever wanted and cant help but ask, "Why, God?". Not to say that this experience isnt going to be difficult, and I know we will face many challanges but as of right now I am overwhelmed with love and support from my friends and family. I literally feel like the luckiest girl ever.
God really does work in mysterious ways, and when you think your life is taking a turn for the worst, step back and take a look at the big picture... What have you been praying for and how is that situation a blessing in disguise? And remember, if God brings you to it, He will get you through it!
Thanks for everyones support and love. I cant imagine what I would do without such amazing friends and family. I love yall so much and cant wait to share the life of my baby with you all!
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