Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!

Bikini-5 weeks
Blue Tank-6 weeks
Jeans and T-7 weeks

So here is what I look like. I guess its not much different than before but I sure do feel different! This week has been on and off nausea and fatigue. It's a hit or miss sometimes. I feel fine after lunch usually and almost always have a hard time getting out of bed and functioning in the mornings. My work now knows and they like to call me "preggo". Everyone has been supportive so far. The hardest thing I have had to give up is YoungLife. I called Aaron yesterday and told him. He said he was disappointed that I wasnt going to be on the team because he had been praying for me. That was hard. I have to tell my girls next week and I dont know what I am going to say... "Oops, dont do what I did. Sorry to let you down." I feel like I have failed as a role model. But I know this is just a new plan of life. And there will be hard times but I think the most rewarding thing will be when I deliver my baby and bring new life into this world. Anyway, I have to get back to work! Its 4th of July weekend and I think I might see Taylors family... eek.. nervous!!

Books my mom got me. Im journaling here too!!

Feeling fat and nauseous

You know that feeling when you are on your period and you feel like a fat cow and your jeans are tight around your waist and you just want to leave then unbuttoned or wear a t-shirt and work out pants all day everyday…? That’s how I am feeling all the time now. My uterus is the size of a large orange and my stomach is getting firmer, and its not because I magically developed a six-pack over night. I don’t look different but I sure do feel different. My appetite has drastically changed as well. I don’t eat as much and don’t have cravings. I have to force myself to eat half of what I would normally eat. I was in Virginia this past week and ate well but coming home Saturday was brutal. I was not feeling well at all. And Sunday was worse! I was tired all day, didn’t feel like getting up or eating, and when I did get up or eat I felt so sick. On top of that, I had a migraine and couldn’t take any meds for it so I went to bed at 9:30 and woke up this morning and threw up. So I didn’t eat but 3-4 bites of my cereal. I am currently hungry and have ginger snaps but cant eat them! I had to force half of a cookie down. I am at work and I am so tired! I feel so lazy because I want to clean my apt and do laundry and go for a walk but just going to the grocery store made me so tired!!! I can’t imagine what its going to be like when I am big.

On another note, my dad came into town last week and had a talk with Taylor and I. He basically said we should wait to move in with each other and see how our relationship goes. My sister offered for me to stay at her place to save money and my mom wants me to live by myself for a while. A few things I know for sure: I am moving in August and I am having a baby! My ideal situation would be that Taylor and I work everything out perfectly and all goes according to plan and we fall deeply in love and get married next summer/fall. The whole thought of it really freaks me out though. I mean, I have always wanted to get married young and have a family, etc but thinking about it all happening within a year is mind-boggling! I know things are going to be tough but I just want to skip all that and get to my happily ever after. I can’t help but worry and over-think everything.

Some of my biggest concerns so far:
*Complications during pregnancy due to my uterus
*Taylor and I not working out
*Going to school and working and having a baby!
*Being a good mom/being ready to be a mom
*Feeling like I am missing out on my friends
*Growing up so fast
*Taylor’s family hating me
*Being a single mom and having to date (if that happens)
*Going thru labor
*Being able to provide for my baby

Just downed one whole ginger snap! YAY

Anyway, I am 7.5 weeks. I need to tell my boss soon, probably this week. Now pretty much everyone who we want to know knows. I am going to have to give up young life, which makes me sad. The other leaders know I just need to tell Aaron, and maybe even my girls… I feel like a bad role model. Telling them to not give into guys and not act crazy, which is contradictory to how I have acted. I know I am not perfect but I guess I was just hoping that I could be someone they looked up to, to lead them to Christ. Oh, well. God has other plans I suppose.

<3,
Alyssa and Raspberry

(Poppy is now the size of a raspberry)

Ultrasound!!!!

So I went to the doctor today and it was AMAZING!!! We saw the baby and got to see and hear the heartbeat. It was seriously the best thing I have ever experienced in my life. The doctor said everything looked good and he checked my uterus and said we would just have to monitor it. The chances of me having a miscarriage right now are very slim now, up until the 4th month when the baby starts growing more. Soo, we will just have to monitor everything! I am so excited though! Taylor and I went to Target to look at baby stuff... cribs, bottles, diapers, clothes, car seat and strollers. I am excited to start getting stuff and decorating for the baby's room.

We have pretty much told our closest friends and family now. I think once everyone gets over the shock of the whole situation they are just as happy and exicted as we are. I am scared to tell people at work because for the past 6 months I have been working there they have all thought I was single. Which technically I was but whatever. Taylor and I are going to look at houses and hopefully move in together in August. It will definitely be a different life but a good one I hope. His mom has been texting me and that has made me feel better. I just still cant believe all of this is happening. It was real when I saw the test, even more real when my blood Hcg level results came back, and then seeing the baby and hearing its heartbeat at only 6 weeks old is just incredible. I am creating a new life inside of me. It is still unbelievable sometimes. And on top of that I am experiencing a whole new type of love that goes with it. A new love for Taylor and for my unborn baby. Its so weird.

Anyway, I tell my dad this weekend. I am gonna take him the pictures. I hope he doesnt freak out. My mom is saying shes too young to be a grandma LOL but I think so far everyone is taking it well... Even Caroline. I think... I just really dont want there to be any drama or bad vibes, etc. So far, so good. Lets just pray it stays this way!

Symptoms

I start week six today! According to "What to Expect":

Your baby's jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form what will eventually become one adorable face. In addition, her kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing, and her heart is now beating 80 times a minute (and getting faster every day). All this and she's still no bigger than the length of a nail head (about a quarter of an inch) from crown to rump!

And I should expect bloating, queasiness and cravings! YAY! Yesterday the combination of pizza, popcorn and baby movies got me excited. Tara and I watched Juno, Knocked Up and Baby Mama. I think everyone is getting excited as its sinking in. My mom is already planning a baby shower in October. Right now I feel uberly nauseous and my boobs hurt. Taylor tells his dad/family today. That makes me nervous. I still havent told my dad, hopefully he will be ok. It is still weird to think that I am going to be a mom in February. I calculated my due date to be on the 12th but I still need to make an appt with the ob-gyn. Still dont know where I am going to live or where I will go to school... These decisions are hard and I want to make sure I am making the right choice for me and my baby. I think the prenatal vitamins make me sick but I need to take them so poppy gets her nutrients. Tara already wants to make bets as to what the gender is. My mom said boy twins! Haha... greaatt! Crazy thing is that twins run on both sides of my family. So, I really do have a good chance. That would just be insane.

I was looking up some names last night. I want the baby to have a good name. Its hard but I still have time. I like Avery for a girl and Taylor and I like Landon for a boy. We always have :) But we will just have to see. Tara is excited about the gender cake party, so is my mom and Taylor. So thats probably what we will end up doing. I am gonna shower and go look at baby stuff :) :) :)

Lots of love from Poppy and Aly <3

New Life, New Love

Its been three days since I found out I was going to be a mother. My life has taken a complete 180. Questions like, What about school?, Where am I going to live?, What will other people think?, Is my family going to hate me?, Am I ready to be a mom?, are constanty running through my mind. I literally have no clue what is going to happen or what this new path will be like. All I know is that at the end of it, I will bring life into this world. A little miracle is growing inside me, forming a heart, spinal cord, and body form. Next week, it will be forming eyes, ear canals, and a head. Tadpole. Cell cluster. Life. Poppy. Growing in my belly.

I found out Monday during my lunch break. I was only a day late but had a test in my bathroom so I thought, why not? Every other time I had taken a test it was negative then I started my period. I was already feeling cramps, fatigue, and cravings like my normal period symptoms. Taylor and I had unprotected sex and I literally thought nothing about it. Two lines. Pregnant. One freaked out phone call later, I was on my way to the store to get a new test hoping it was a false positive. This time, digital. Pregnant. Even more freaked out than before, I called my sister then went to see my doctor. He told me my blood test results wouldnt be ready until the next morning. It was one of the longest days, nights and mornings ever. I knew it wasnt false, I just couldnt believe it was happening to me. The next morning at work, time went by so slowly. It was about 9:30 when I called and Dr. Ramirez told me, "We got the test results back and it came out positive. You are pregnant. Schedule in an appointment to see me so we can discuss what this means." Well, duh, it means I am going to have a baby! Things sunk in and I told my two besties, Tori and Tara. Both as shocked as I was but super supportive. I told my mom that night and she cried and blamed herself but I think shes okay with it now. So far only my closest friends and family know, and Taylor's close friends and his mom. He will tell his dad and brother this weekend. Eeek!

So here are my feelings about this whole situation. At first I thought there was no way this could happen. I just got into graduate school (starting in the fall) and I am a Young Life leader (ironic) and there is just absolutely no way I am ready. Taylor and I arent even dating. It was going to be a huge mess. But now, I am happy, excited, scared, nervous, anticipating what will happen next, but most of all I am worried that I might do something wrong to hurt the baby. There are lists of things I cant do and even longer lists of things I should do. These next two months are scary for me because this is when most miscarriages happen. Also my uterus is shaped funny so I really want to know my risk with that. I need to make an ultrasound appointment. I started taking my vitamins today. I need to eat healthy because whatever I eat is what the baby is eating. What if I do something wrong? I wanted to go to the Eli Young concert this weekend but there is a lot of second hand smoke at Cowboys so I cant. I have to think of everything I do now. What is the best interest of my body that carries this new life. I am a vessel of life. :) I am a little nauseous, had a really bad headache yesterday and cant take meds and I am gassy... ugh.

On another note, I need to decide where I am going to live. My mom wants me to go to Corpus so she can help but Taylor wants me to stay in SA because he needs to finish school. I would like to stay here and do grad school online. I dont know if we should live together... I cant afford two bedroom rent on my own. Time will tell. I have about a month to decide...

Until next time,

Alyssa&Poppy


This is poppy, about 5 weeks in my belly. According to google this is what the baby looks like!