New Life, New Love

Its been three days since I found out I was going to be a mother. My life has taken a complete 180. Questions like, What about school?, Where am I going to live?, What will other people think?, Is my family going to hate me?, Am I ready to be a mom?, are constanty running through my mind. I literally have no clue what is going to happen or what this new path will be like. All I know is that at the end of it, I will bring life into this world. A little miracle is growing inside me, forming a heart, spinal cord, and body form. Next week, it will be forming eyes, ear canals, and a head. Tadpole. Cell cluster. Life. Poppy. Growing in my belly.

I found out Monday during my lunch break. I was only a day late but had a test in my bathroom so I thought, why not? Every other time I had taken a test it was negative then I started my period. I was already feeling cramps, fatigue, and cravings like my normal period symptoms. Taylor and I had unprotected sex and I literally thought nothing about it. Two lines. Pregnant. One freaked out phone call later, I was on my way to the store to get a new test hoping it was a false positive. This time, digital. Pregnant. Even more freaked out than before, I called my sister then went to see my doctor. He told me my blood test results wouldnt be ready until the next morning. It was one of the longest days, nights and mornings ever. I knew it wasnt false, I just couldnt believe it was happening to me. The next morning at work, time went by so slowly. It was about 9:30 when I called and Dr. Ramirez told me, "We got the test results back and it came out positive. You are pregnant. Schedule in an appointment to see me so we can discuss what this means." Well, duh, it means I am going to have a baby! Things sunk in and I told my two besties, Tori and Tara. Both as shocked as I was but super supportive. I told my mom that night and she cried and blamed herself but I think shes okay with it now. So far only my closest friends and family know, and Taylor's close friends and his mom. He will tell his dad and brother this weekend. Eeek!

So here are my feelings about this whole situation. At first I thought there was no way this could happen. I just got into graduate school (starting in the fall) and I am a Young Life leader (ironic) and there is just absolutely no way I am ready. Taylor and I arent even dating. It was going to be a huge mess. But now, I am happy, excited, scared, nervous, anticipating what will happen next, but most of all I am worried that I might do something wrong to hurt the baby. There are lists of things I cant do and even longer lists of things I should do. These next two months are scary for me because this is when most miscarriages happen. Also my uterus is shaped funny so I really want to know my risk with that. I need to make an ultrasound appointment. I started taking my vitamins today. I need to eat healthy because whatever I eat is what the baby is eating. What if I do something wrong? I wanted to go to the Eli Young concert this weekend but there is a lot of second hand smoke at Cowboys so I cant. I have to think of everything I do now. What is the best interest of my body that carries this new life. I am a vessel of life. :) I am a little nauseous, had a really bad headache yesterday and cant take meds and I am gassy... ugh.

On another note, I need to decide where I am going to live. My mom wants me to go to Corpus so she can help but Taylor wants me to stay in SA because he needs to finish school. I would like to stay here and do grad school online. I dont know if we should live together... I cant afford two bedroom rent on my own. Time will tell. I have about a month to decide...

Until next time,

Alyssa&Poppy


This is poppy, about 5 weeks in my belly. According to google this is what the baby looks like!