You know that feeling when you are on your period and you feel like a fat cow and your jeans are tight around your waist and you just want to leave then unbuttoned or wear a t-shirt and work out pants all day everyday…? That’s how I am feeling all the time now. My uterus is the size of a large orange and my stomach is getting firmer, and its not because I magically developed a six-pack over night. I don’t look different but I sure do feel different. My appetite has drastically changed as well. I don’t eat as much and don’t have cravings. I have to force myself to eat half of what I would normally eat. I was in Virginia this past week and ate well but coming home Saturday was brutal. I was not feeling well at all. And Sunday was worse! I was tired all day, didn’t feel like getting up or eating, and when I did get up or eat I felt so sick. On top of that, I had a migraine and couldn’t take any meds for it so I went to bed at 9:30 and woke up this morning and threw up. So I didn’t eat but 3-4 bites of my cereal. I am currently hungry and have ginger snaps but cant eat them! I had to force half of a cookie down. I am at work and I am so tired! I feel so lazy because I want to clean my apt and do laundry and go for a walk but just going to the grocery store made me so tired!!! I can’t imagine what its going to be like when I am big.
On another note, my dad came into town last week and had a talk with Taylor and I. He basically said we should wait to move in with each other and see how our relationship goes. My sister offered for me to stay at her place to save money and my mom wants me to live by myself for a while. A few things I know for sure: I am moving in August and I am having a baby! My ideal situation would be that Taylor and I work everything out perfectly and all goes according to plan and we fall deeply in love and get married next summer/fall. The whole thought of it really freaks me out though. I mean, I have always wanted to get married young and have a family, etc but thinking about it all happening within a year is mind-boggling! I know things are going to be tough but I just want to skip all that and get to my happily ever after. I can’t help but worry and over-think everything.
Some of my biggest concerns so far:
*Complications during pregnancy due to my uterus
*Taylor and I not working out
*Going to school and working and having a baby!
*Being a good mom/being ready to be a mom
*Feeling like I am missing out on my friends
*Growing up so fast
*Taylor’s family hating me
*Being a single mom and having to date (if that happens)
*Going thru labor
*Being able to provide for my baby
Just downed one whole ginger snap! YAY
Anyway, I am 7.5 weeks. I need to tell my boss soon, probably this week. Now pretty much everyone who we want to know knows. I am going to have to give up young life, which makes me sad. The other leaders know I just need to tell Aaron, and maybe even my girls… I feel like a bad role model. Telling them to not give into guys and not act crazy, which is contradictory to how I have acted. I know I am not perfect but I guess I was just hoping that I could be someone they looked up to, to lead them to Christ. Oh, well. God has other plans I suppose.
<3,
Alyssa and Raspberry
(Poppy is now the size of a raspberry)
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