11 weeks, 5 days and showing!

So I went to Pathways this past week and it was pretty intense. I am sure Poppy was wondering what the heck was going on.. so many emotions. But I finally feel emotionally stable and happy. I am ready to tell everyone I am pregnant. Taylor and I are going to start looking at houses this week. I am 22 in a week and a half and feel like I am growing up so fast. My stomach has been hurting today but at least I am not nauseous. I had a really really bad migrain again last week.. Hopefully those will go away. Other than that I have a "bump". Basically looks like I am bloated but cant suck in my stomach lol I thought it was pretty early to be showing but I looked on fb and saw other girls who has posted their bump pics and I am pretty average. I cant wait to go to the doctor in a week to see my little baby. Soon, we will find out the gender! I am excited about the gender cake party and of coarse Tara is excited to be in charge. I feel really calm about everything. Yesterday me and Taylor had a small disagreement about finances but he reassured me that everything would be ok. I just want us to be equal participants in this whole parenting process. Only time will tell. So far he's been really good. Especially with helping me around the apt. My fridge broke so we had to throw away everything. He threw out two trashbags full of nastiness, cleaned the freezer, floor and fridge, and cleaned the litter box! So lucky that hes helping me. He also cooked me dinner :) We start counseling on Monday so hopefully we can be even more on the same page. He says he doesnt have time for pathways right now because of all of his band stuff. I just want to make sure we have a good emotional connection, are open and honest, and have the same views, needs and expectancies for parenting. Hopefully all of this will be covered in counseling. Not sure what our therapist is gonna say yet but I am sure we will get good guidance. Anyway here is my bump picure!

10 weeks, 4 days

Well, I am almost done with my first trimester! Just a couple more weeks! SOOOOO crazyy...! Anyway, last week sucked and was probably the worst week overall. I was nauseous and tired mostly all day and then Friday I had the worst migraine headache that lasted 8 hours! Taylor and I went to dinner and a movie and I wanted to stay up for it so I did and my head was killing me the whole time. It was also my first time to take medicine (ancetametaphin- I know its spelled wrong). It didnt help. Today I am feeling better though, just tired. Actually, just know that I am always tired because its annoying saying that I am tired all the time. I feel like a couch potato too. I watch so much TV now its ridiculous. This past Saturday, Taylor had a show in Austin so we drove up there. It was fun but I was tired (go figure). We went to 6th street after and I got hit on by some random drunk guy and told him I was pregnany LOL He gave Taylor a high five and asked when it was due. So, yes, I was pregnant on 6th street! Haha... but when I am really showing I wont go. That seems trashy.

Anyway, Taylor and I are still doing really well. We have talked about marriage and everything. Its going to be complicated if we are living together, unmarried and with a child. I spoke to Erica and Jay and they just want me to be right with God. I understand completely where they are coming from but I just dont know whats "right". I want to do what is right for me, Taylor and the baby no matter what other people think. Its just really hard making these tough decisions. On top of that, I wouldnt just move in with some guy under normal circumstances. We are going to be a family so it seems better to move in and try to make it work. Or is that stupid sounding? Obviously it would be ideal to have gotten married first and then had a baby to avoid this type of complication but since that is not the case and everything is backwards, I just have to work with what I have and what I know and feel is best for my family now. And Taylor and I do plan on getting married. We would if we had more time to plan and get ready before the baby but since we dont, we have to wait. Probably in May is what we are thinking. Baby will be a few months, and Taylor will have graduated.. Ahh its scary to say that. My life is all full of grown up things now. I still feel like and sometimes still want to be a kid. But my actions led to a baby so I have to compensate for that. I am excited. My mom and I were looking at baby stuff a few weeks ago and I am excited to know the gender and start preparing. I have a hunch that its going to be a boy, just because I want a girl. Either way I will love him or her to death!!! This is still so crazy and sometimes surreal to me. My next ultrasound is Aug 2 and I just cant wait. If i had my own machine, Id be looking at my baby every day.

Other than that, everything is going really well. Caroline was even nice to me this weekend and invited me and Taylor to go to the lake with her and her boyfriend. Things couldnt be better... which is scary. Everyone is warming up and getting excited about my pregnancy now. I just hope everything stays good and that me and Tay are able to deal with our future problems healthily and still committed to each other. My worst fear is that we abandon each other which seems easy to do without marriage in the picture quite yet. But I cant focus on bad things that might happen, I can only focus on good things that are happening and right now they outweigh my worries.

Baby is a whopping 2 inches!! Growing so fast!! Cant want to see him/her in 2 weeks!

Love, Alyssa and Poppysicle

9 weeks, 5 days

Well I am almost in the double digits! I will be 10 weeks on thursday. Today was not a good day... I was nauseous and tired and just didnt feel well. I dont really know how to describe how I felt. I wanted Taylor to understand but its not a regular nauseous feeling or just tired; it's like a weird sick to my stomach, not hungry, tired, head queasy feeling. Anyway thats what I felt like today. So I did my Weekend at Pathways this past weekend.. It was interesting and emotionally draining but turned out really good. I want Taylor to go but he's still not sure. And I am wondering if we should go to the parenting one even though we arent technically parents yet.Hopefully we will get some clarity on that. I think we are going to start looking for houses soon and move in in August. Weird. I could barely live with Amanda, I am not sure how this is going to work but I hope it does. I know it will be difficult but we have to at least try to make it work. I feel like this is not how I pictured my life to be or even a relationship or family. But have to make the best decisions I know how to make. Think logically but feel tremendously. I really missed Taylor this weekend. I wonder how its going to be when we will together. Right now he goes to his friends apt and will play video games and jam out... Can he still do that if we are living together? Right now it doesnt bother me because he has his place and I have mine. Its just going to be a whole new dynamic, and a way different lifestyle. I still want time for my friends and I know he does too. And we wont be married.. so I just dont know where to put boundaries. We will be staying the night every night together and I dont want to get tired of each other.

BAHHHHH I just hope everything works out!!!! Prayers would be awesome now :)

Another note, baby is doing really well. About an inch and a half now and I wish I could have an ultrasound every week!! I wanna see him/her all the time because I cant feel it yet. SoOoOo I will go again August 2nd and my mom and sister want to come.

Thats it!

8 weeks 6 days

Well it’s been a good couple of weeks since I have written. I tell my young life girls tonight. I really wanted them all to be here but of coarse some are busy or out of town. Oh well, I am nervous though. Today I haven’t been feeling well. I have been tired since yesterday, weak and lightheaded. I thought I would feel better after lunch but I just want to sleeeeep! I still have to go home and clean and cook dinner. Blah. I woke up this morning to the stench of cat litter, so Taylor is going to come over when I get off work to change it for me ☺ He’s been really good to me. We really haven’t had any problems so that’s good. We are going to start counseling on the 25th of this month, which should be good. His mom offered to pay for it. His family came in town this past weekend and everything was good except Caroline. Hopefully she will come around soon. I hope so. His mom said that she thinks everything will be okay. I agree, its just the process of getting there that is going to be hard. I really do appreciate her being so nice and open and welcoming to me though. That made me feel 100X better. So the picture is the baby at 8 weeks and 5 days. Huge growth spurt!!! S/he is now 1 inch long and will just get bigger and bigger. Its weird bc during the times I don’t have my ultrasound I feel unpregnant. Like I wonder if its still there and if everything is ok… but no worries, everything looks good so far! Dr. Serrano did say that I will probably need a C section, which is ok. I think it will be a good thing to have a planned procedure to make sure everyone from out of town can come in if they want. I am excited. My due date is February 9th but I will probably deliver mid-January. That seems sooo soon!! And I can’t wait to find out the gender and buy stuff for the baby and decorate the nursery. I am also really glad Taylor has been so good and supportive to me. I think he seems really excited and completely on-board. He wants to move in with me in August, which is also a scary step. I have only lived with one person, well technically two, and it did not turn out good. Hopefully counseling will help us to get prepared for parenthood and a lasting relationship. I think I can see myself with him. I hope everything works out. Every time we hang out I like him more and more and he has been treating me really well, so things seem to be going in the right direction.

Other than that I have been feeling well for the most part, with exception of today. This past 4th of July weekend was really fun. I even lost a pound according to my doctor. I guess nausea and lack of appetite will to that to you, even if you are pregnant. It still seems a little unreal but watching the ultrasound and seeing the baby move for the first time was magical.

Ill be updating!

Love,
Alyssa and Olive